I Could Be Wrong About That

At work, debate is one tool we use to collaborate in decision making. Most debates are informal — rarely is there a clear statement of the debatable premise, and the flow of contributions is relatively free. We tend not to allocate equal time to each participant. We allow ourselves to use rhetorical fallacies, assertions without proof, deception, made-up "facts," intimidation, and threats. Sometimes there is shouting. Sometimes we exclude certain people from the discussion for superficial reasons that hide the truth: we disagree with them and we wish to muffle their voices. The results are predictable. Many of our decisions are defective.

There is another way to go.

Imagine how these debates would go if all participants accepted the possibility that their own views might not be complete or entirely correct. Imagine how these debates would go if all participants adopted this stance:

Given what I now know and understand, I've made a judgment. But I could be wrong about that.

A common objection to this approach is that it might be seen as a sign of weakness that others would exploit to gain acceptance for their views. Certainly, "unilateral disarmament" in the heat of the moment does carry such a risk. But at a time when there's little at stake, a group that works together over a period of time, making many decisions, can adopt this approach thenceforward. If they do, they might find some surprising benefits.

These benefits become available, in part, because the conventional oppositional approach to debate tends to bias what its participants contribute. For example, in an oppositional debate between you and me, if I'm aware or become aware of a weakness in my own position, I might not be inclined to disclose it. And unless you know enough detail about my position to recognize the weakness, you won't raise the issue either. The debate might come to a close without ever addressing the issue. Alternatively, if I'm aware or become aware of a strength in your position, I might not be inclined to mention it. And unless you also recognize it and use it in the debate, the debate can come to a close without ever weighing the significance of the issue. In a more collaborative approach to the debate, points like these are more likely to surface.

The collaborative approach Acknowledging that one
can be mistaken can
be truly liberatingcan be truly liberating. Gone is the burden of preparing defenses of one's own views against anticipated attacks. Taking its place is intellectual curiosity and the urge to discover alternative views. Gone is the burden of seeking objections to the views we believe others hold. Taking its place is intense curiosity about the views they actually do hold — and why.

Debates are more effective and produce more reliable results when they're founded on two fundamental notions.

We do the best we can with what we have

The first notion is the idea that at the outset of the debate, or at any point in the course of the debate, the views of all participants are the best they can be with the knowledge and insight those participants possess at the time. When we can believe this about everyone's views, respect for those views comes more easily.

Learning is no cause for shame

When we experience shame upon getting caught in the act of learning something, we're more likely to avoid getting caught again, or worse, we're more likely to avoid learning. That avoidance makes for difficulty in accepting whatever of value others might have to offer, which reduces debate effectiveness by limiting the value of exchanging views.

For a group trying to reach a joint decision, incorporating these two elements into its microculture yields an important advantage. Instead of participants preparing to defend their own views and attack the views of others, they find themselves seeking joint clarification of all views. And from that mix there usually emerges a new framework — a new collection of ideas and insights — that no participant possessed in toto before the exchange began.

But I could be wrong about that.  Top    Next Issue

Are you fed up with tense, explosive meetings? Are you or a colleague the target of a bully? Destructive conflict can ruin organizations. But if we believe that all conflict is destructive, and that we can somehow eliminate conflict, or that conflict is an enemy of productivity, then we're in conflict with Conflict itself. Read 101 Tips for Managing Conflict to learn how to make peace with conflict and make it an organizational asset. Order Now!

Your comments are welcome

About Point Lookout

Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.

This article in its entirety was written by a human being. No machine intelligence was involved in any way.

Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.

Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.

Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.

Related articles

More articles on Conflict Management:

The High Cost of Low Trust: I

We usually think of Trust as one of those soft qualities that we would all like our organizational cultures to have. Yet, truly paying attention to Trust at work is rare, in part, because we don't fully appreciate what distrust really costs. Here are some of the ways we pay for low trust.

Managing Pressure: Milestones and Deliveries

Pressed repeatedly for "status" reports, you might guess that they don't want status — they want progress. Things can get so nutty that responding to the status requests gets in the way of doing the job. How does this happen and what can you do about it? Here's Part III of a set of tactics and strategies for dealing with pressure.

Social Safety Margins

As our personal workloads increase, we endure more stress and more time pressure. Inevitably, we have less time for the social niceties that protect us from accidentally hurting each other's feelings. When are we most at risk of incidental harm, and what can we do about it?

The Advantages of Political Attack: II

In workplace politics, attackers are often surprisingly successful with even the flimsiest assertions. Often, they prevail, in part, because they can choose the time and venue for their attacks. They also have the advantage of preparation. How can targets respond effectively?

Pushing the "Stupid" Button

Some people know exactly how to lead others to feel ignorant or unintelligent. Here's a little catalog of tactics to watch for.

See also Conflict Management and Conflict Management for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming September 4: Beating the Layoffs: I

If you work in an organization likely to conduct layoffs soon, keep in mind that exiting voluntarily before the layoffs can carry significant advantages. Here are some that relate to self-esteem, financial anxiety, and future employment. Available here and by RSS on September 4.

And on September 11: Beating the Layoffs: II

If you work in an organization likely to conduct layoffs soon, keep in mind that exiting voluntarily can carry advantages. Here are some advantages that relate to collegial relationships, future interviews, health, and severance packages. Available here and by RSS on September 11.

Coaching services

I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrenyrWpTxHuyCrjZbUpner@ChacnoFNuSyWlVzCaGfooCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.

Get the ebook!

Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:

• Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, )
• Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, )
• Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, )
• Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, )
• Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, )
• Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, )

Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500-1000 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info