So You Want the Bullying to End: II

In their efforts to end the bullying, targets who enlist the assistance of powerful people, institutions, or law enforcement might succeed, but as we saw in Part I, achieving a truly successful outcome by these means is unlikely. And retaliation and cover-up are significant possibilities. But even if the target is transferred, or the bully is terminated or transferred, or the bully is compelled to stop, the target might acquire a new bully, and the cycle can repeat.

That's pretty common, it turns out, because bullies are everywhere. But their prevalence alone isn't enough to ensure a repetition — they need to find targets. The essential point is that they can find targets, because bullies are very good at recognizing targets. Even if targets can somehow end the abuse at the hands of one bully, unless they alter their demeanor and behavior, the next bully will find them in short order.

Here are some suggestions for targets who want not only to end the bullying by the current bully, but also prevent becoming a target again.

Recognize that your behavior plays a role

Whatever you do, wherever you go, there you are. You can't get away from you. And since the current bully targeted you, the next bully will find you just as easily. It's not that you're doing anything wrong; it's that bullies search for targets of opportunity — people they can bully successfully. Something about you signals to bullies that you're a target of opportunity. Until you change that, bullies will keep finding you.

There will always be bullies wherever you go

Some targets believe that they can find employment in a company where there are no bullies. Perhaps there are such companies, but since modern science has not yet devised a means of detecting bullies before they bully, companies can't help but hire some bullies. There are bullies everywhere.

You probably aren't the bully's first target

Most bullies haveMost bullies have probably
seen most of the obvious
things people do to
end the bullying probably seen most of the obvious things people do to end the bullying. Whatever tactics you choose for ending the bullying, they're more likely to succeed if the bully has never seen them before. Be clever. Outthink the bully.

The bully will stop only if you make it painful enough

You can't talk a bully out of bullying. You can't reason with a bully about bullying. They do what they do because of pathology — a disorder. To make them stop, make it too painful or expensive for them to continue. You don't have to use tactics like theirs, but nice talk and courtesy won't do the job. Bluffing might work, but be prepared to be tested.

Most important, build and maintain a strong support network. Include people who have been bullied, and who have faced down their bullies. Seek their advice, and have the courage to follow it.   First issue in this series   Top    Next Issue

Is a workplace bully targeting you? Do you know what to do to end the bullying? Workplace bullying is so widespread that a 2014 survey indicated that 27% of American workers have experienced bullying firsthand, that 21% have witnessed it, and that 72% are aware that bullying happens. Yet, there are few laws to protect workers from bullies, and bullying is not a crime in most jurisdictions. 101 Tips for Targets of Workplace Bullies is filled with the insights targets of bullying need to find a way to survive, and then to finally end the bullying. Also available at Apple's iTunes store! Just . Order Now!

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Related articles

More articles on Workplace Bullying:

How Workplace Bullies Use OODA: I

Workplace bullies who succeed in carrying on their activities over a long period of time rely on more than mere intimidation to escape prosecution. They proactively shape their environments to make them safe for bullying. The OODA model gives us insights into how they accomplish this.

Workplace Bullying and Workplace Conflict: II

Of the tools we use to address toxic conflict, many are ineffective for ending bullying. Here's a review of some of the tools that don't work well and why.

Social Isolation and Workplace Bullying

Social isolation is a tactic widely used by workplace bullies. What is it? How do bullies use it? Why do bullies use it? What can targets do about it?

Manipulators Beware

When manipulators try to manipulate others, they're attempting to unscrupulously influence their targets to decide or act in some way the manipulators prefer. But some targets manage to outwit their manipulators.

Covert Verbal Abuse at Work

Verbal abuse at work uses written or spoken language to disparage, disadvantage, or harm others. Perpetrators favor tactics they can subsequently deny having used. Even more favored are abusive tactics that are so subtle that others don't notice them.

See also Workplace Bullying and Workplace Bullying for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming January 22: Storming: Obstacle or Pathway?

The Storming stage of Tuckman's model of small group development is widely misunderstood. Fighting the storms, denying they exist, or bypassing them doesn't work. Letting them blow themselves out in a somewhat-controlled manner is the path to Norming and Performing. Available here and by RSS on January 22.

And on January 29: A Framework for Safe Storming

The Storming stage of Tuckman's development sequence for small groups is when the group explores its frustrations and degrees of disagreement about both structure and task. Only by understanding these misalignments is reaching alignment possible. Here is a framework for this exploration. Available here and by RSS on January 29.

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